A Beautiful Sunday Outing Taking Pictures With My Son

Justin and I went to the park on Hwy 280 to take pictures. We were fortunate to have some good subjects willing to be still so we could get some good shots. It was a beautiful day and I really enjoyed walking around the park and talking and taking pictures. Here are a few that I took.

Baking Christmas Treats

Up early this morning baking diabetic Christmas treats for my sweet neighbors and dog groomers.

Had chemo yesterday and so far feeling ok. I'm expecting to poop out by noon though if the pattern runs they way it usually does. But I'm taking Jay to lunch for his birthday so I hope to get lucky and hold out a little longer. I'll be a couch potato tonight though.

Hope everyone is getting ready for some good family time. I am. The kids are coming Christmas Eve to spend the night and the little ones will be here to open their santa gifts. I'm so excited about that. This will be the first Christmas Eve I've had with them since MacKenzie was born because they like to have Santa at home and then come here Christmas day. So this will be a special treat and I'm so looking forward to it.

Happy Day to all of you! Go out and love someone today!

Lord God, I desire that these things be remembered before you: by my work produced by faith, my labor prompted by love, and my endurance inspired by hope in my Lord Jesus Christ. (1 Thess. 1:3)

Stop the Whining

I've been doing a lot of whining lately. I like to blame it on the chemo but I'm sure satan has been at work too. I want so much to use this cancer as a testimony of my unbending faith in God. However, my faith does bend from time to time so I pray that God will understand that I am a weak human being and forgive me for lacking the faith that he requires of me and help me to have more faith. My prayer today is this: O, Lord, I want others to be able to boast to You about my perseverence and faith in any persecutions and trials I endure. (2 Thess. 1:4) Help me to remember that others observe the way I handle trials. I want to have a faithful witness, Lord. (From Praying God's Word by Beth Moore).

Up Early Again

I've been hesitant to post anything this week because I've been sick and just hate sounding so pathetic all the time. Like all our Mamas used to say...nothing good to say just keep it to yourself. But I have to whine a little so I got up around 4:30 and sat in the bathroom with the steam running to open up my head. At least I can breathe better now. Drinking a cup of hot tea with honey now. Not my favorite cold remedy but it's all I'm allowed. A shot of whiskey in it would surely help me get back to sleep. Poor Jay is bound to catch it next. This stuff is ugly and wont be ignored by anyone who passes by it. Even Rosie looks like she has a cold.

Speaking of my little loyal and constant companion...I thought I would post a Christmas picture of her. She doesn't like having her picture taken any more than MacKenzie does but at least she sits still and doesn't say "No Pictures Nana." I can usually bribe her with a treat. Not so much with MacKenzie. She wants the treat first then she runs with it. And still....no pictures :-)

A Blessed Day

This has been a really good day. Except for the part where I threw up all my meds first thing. We went to Jemison to visit Mandy's church and see their Christmas program. Blake played his trumpet and the youth group did a skit on the book of Ruth. It was very interesting and they did an outstanding job. MacKenzie's little group also sang for us. We all went to Cracker Barrel for lunch after church and had a nice lunch together. Then later, Mandy, Joseph and the kids came to Trussville to visit our church and see our Christmas spectacular. It was truely awesome. A great day and actually, a pretty good weekend altogether. Tomorrow we start all over with a new round of chemo. I'm really praying for a better time dealing with the nausea and pain this time.

Have a good night!!

The Decision Has Been Made

Saw the Dr. this morning. She thinks that my lymph nodes have shrunk a little but due to some pain, she believes the tumors have not been reduced enough. My kidney function is lacking somewhat too. She explained how she would like to do the chemo next. Bad dose this coming Monday, easier doses for the following 2 weeks. Week 4 start over. This is supposed to be easier for my body to take. God please let it be easier. So Jay asked her point blank. Is this method palliative or curative? Palliative. There is no cure. So he asked her what my prognosis is with and without the chemo. 6-8 months without, 2-5 years with. That was not a hard decision for me to make. I choose years over months. So we continue chemo next Monday.

I believe God was right there telling me to go ahead and accept the treatment. If He wanted me to die right now I think He would have taken me already. I just pray that before the chemo starts He will just let me know that He is going to take care of me so that I don't start feeling deserted and faithless again. This time I want to just know that He is here and not doubt Him. I believe He will get me through this, in His way, in His time. And as the song goes, I will praise Him in this storm.

Your prayers are still welcomed and appreciated. Thank you so much for all of your prayers and well wishes.
God Bless you all!

Hello Light

Today is the first day I've felt even a little better. I can't explain in words how horrible the side effects of chemotherapy have been on me. But I can say that it has been so bad that I don't know if I can do another treatment. I know what the alternative is and I don't want that either but if this is what it takes to live I'm just not sure it's worth it. My family thinks it is but they have no idea what this feels like so I can't expect them to understand. I pray everyday for God to get me through this and I pray that He will get them through it too.

I was actually able to eat without throwing up today. I am literally starving to death and I could eat an entire restaurant. This morning I got up and drove myself to Jim n Nicks for some Brunswick Stew and sweet tea. For the first time in 3 weeks I was able to taste it and it was so good. Amazing what a little protein will do for a body. I want MORE. Think I'll call Jay and have him pick me up something on his way home from work. He'll be glad that he doesn't have to prepare something just to see me push it away. Poor guy. I know this has been hard for him because I'm a major league whiner. I can't help it. If I have to suffer I guess I want everyone around me to know it. Not really. It's just the immature child in me, I guess.

I've finally gotten around to reading emails that have been coming for the past 3 weeks. Also the Caring Bridge Journal that Mandy created for me. Everyone has so many kind words and prayers for me. I don't know how to tell you all how much you mean to me and how much your prayers mean. Just knowing that people are coming together and going before God on my behalf is the most awesome feeling. God said that if people come together in the name of His Son, whatever they ask will be given. That doesn't mean that if you ask Him to heal me that I'm going to be healed. But I know that it means that He will get me through whatever I have to get through. There have been times during these past 3 weeks that I have begged and pleaded, demanded and blamed God for what I'm going through. I've accused Him of abandoning me and letting me suffer alone. But I know, just like the story of the Footprints in the Sand, that when I have not been able to feel Him beside me, He has been carrying me. If not, I'd surely have died by now. If not from the powerful chemo drugs then by starvation. I'm surprised to still be here and feeling well enough to get on this computer. And I know I didn't get this far alone.

I want to thank everyone who has prayed for me, sent cards, brought food, sent email prayers and poems. And just for thinking about me. It doesn't matter if you call or write or whatever. I just feel so blessed to have people care enough to take moments out of their days to just think about me. I love all of my friends and family and could not get through this without you all and God and His Son.

I love you all!!

Still not feeling all that great

But better than yesterday. I had to go back for 2 bags of fluids yesterday plus nausea and stomach meds. Blood pressure was pretty low and I was extremely weak. Justin took the day off to take me to the clinic and then stayed with me until late last night. Mandy came over after work and stayed for awhile too. I'm so lucky and so grateful to have kids who love me and want to help me. Jay has been a blessing too. Being a Nurse, I know he wants to help me but all he can do is just be here for me. And right now, I'll take that. Dale came up and spent part of the week with me. I was so glad to have him here. He's coming back for my next treatment and I can't wait for him to get here again. I'm praying for Becky. She has to see an Oncologist next week because her white count is dangerously low. God please don't let her be sick. She is the rock of her family and has stood by so many of us in our times of need. She works so hard to help others and I think she neglects to think of herself and take care of herself. Please just let this be a message for her to slow down and take care of herself and don't let anything serious be wrong. We love her and her family needs her so much. We all need you God. If we failed to realize that before, we sure know it now. Thank you God for all of the blessings you have given to us. Never let us forget how mighty, how loving, how powerful and how great you are. In Jesus' name. Amen

Feelin' Yucky

Had to get some fluids yesterday and I haven't felt good since. Really bad pain last night. A little better this morning but I just don't feel good. I guess that's normal a few days after chemo though. Maybe better days are coming soon. Just praying for healing.

I've enjoyed having Dale here with me. He's going home today. Rosie is going to miss DJ. With him around little miss picky is eating everything. She's afraid he'll get it all if she doesn't eat it. They're cute together. Be glad when they come back.

Chemo Treatment #1

I had the first treatment Monday. I was sick all day yesterday but feel a little better so far this morning. No nausea yet and that is a HUGE improvement from yesterday. I was actually able to eat half of a egg biscuit. The pain meds are working some but I still have pain in my lower back and hips. Today will be the last day on the steroids until the next chemo treatment. I'm glad because they make me so shaky. Hair has not started falling out yet but I was told that it will start by next week. I'm prepared with hats and a wig but I know it will freak me out to see my hair coming out. I'm not looking forward to it but if this chemo kills the cancer I'll go through anything I have to. I have God on my side so I'm just depending on Him. He's my healer and my hope and all my faith is in Him. And I have my family and friends. God has blessed me in so many ways, cancer or not. And He reminds me daily of all that He does for  me so that I remember to always come to Him, in this sickness and in my happiness. His ways are mysterious to us but He knows what He's doing. I just have to watch and listen for His messages. Thank you God for bringing me closer to you.