Still not feeling all that great

But better than yesterday. I had to go back for 2 bags of fluids yesterday plus nausea and stomach meds. Blood pressure was pretty low and I was extremely weak. Justin took the day off to take me to the clinic and then stayed with me until late last night. Mandy came over after work and stayed for awhile too. I'm so lucky and so grateful to have kids who love me and want to help me. Jay has been a blessing too. Being a Nurse, I know he wants to help me but all he can do is just be here for me. And right now, I'll take that. Dale came up and spent part of the week with me. I was so glad to have him here. He's coming back for my next treatment and I can't wait for him to get here again. I'm praying for Becky. She has to see an Oncologist next week because her white count is dangerously low. God please don't let her be sick. She is the rock of her family and has stood by so many of us in our times of need. She works so hard to help others and I think she neglects to think of herself and take care of herself. Please just let this be a message for her to slow down and take care of herself and don't let anything serious be wrong. We love her and her family needs her so much. We all need you God. If we failed to realize that before, we sure know it now. Thank you God for all of the blessings you have given to us. Never let us forget how mighty, how loving, how powerful and how great you are. In Jesus' name. Amen

Feelin' Yucky

Had to get some fluids yesterday and I haven't felt good since. Really bad pain last night. A little better this morning but I just don't feel good. I guess that's normal a few days after chemo though. Maybe better days are coming soon. Just praying for healing.

I've enjoyed having Dale here with me. He's going home today. Rosie is going to miss DJ. With him around little miss picky is eating everything. She's afraid he'll get it all if she doesn't eat it. They're cute together. Be glad when they come back.

Chemo Treatment #1

I had the first treatment Monday. I was sick all day yesterday but feel a little better so far this morning. No nausea yet and that is a HUGE improvement from yesterday. I was actually able to eat half of a egg biscuit. The pain meds are working some but I still have pain in my lower back and hips. Today will be the last day on the steroids until the next chemo treatment. I'm glad because they make me so shaky. Hair has not started falling out yet but I was told that it will start by next week. I'm prepared with hats and a wig but I know it will freak me out to see my hair coming out. I'm not looking forward to it but if this chemo kills the cancer I'll go through anything I have to. I have God on my side so I'm just depending on Him. He's my healer and my hope and all my faith is in Him. And I have my family and friends. God has blessed me in so many ways, cancer or not. And He reminds me daily of all that He does for  me so that I remember to always come to Him, in this sickness and in my happiness. His ways are mysterious to us but He knows what He's doing. I just have to watch and listen for His messages. Thank you God for bringing me closer to you.

Good Morning Sunday

Up early again. Can't sleep much these days. Had the Power Port put in Friday. That went ok. But I did not know I was going to be awake for the procedure until just before I went into the OR. They gave me some happy drugs though so it wasn't so bad. I even overlooked all the jive talk going on in the room. Normally I would have told them to shut up and be serious or get out.

Yesterday morning I got up and took Rosie out for her morning pee and noticed how much the leaves had fallen all over the yard. It's going to rain tomorrow and Rosie hates wading through wet leaves so I decided to blow leaves.... at 8AM, in my pajamas. When you're on pain meds you do weird stuff. Later, Jay and I went up to the new outlet shops in Leeds. I needed to walk around and get some exercise but I think I got a little too much. My back hurt all night. But it was a gorgeous day yesterday. Too nice to be stuck inside all day.

I love this Bible verse:  John 8:31
To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples.  Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."  I want to be a disciple and tell people about Jesus too. He has done awesome things for us. Wow....He even died so we would have a chance to live. Do you know anyone else who would do that for you?

Time to get ready for church so toodleooooo. Have a great Sunday!

My Family

God is Working

Psalm 40: 1-3  
I waited patiently for the Lord;
He turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire;
He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to God.

I received a call yesterday from my Dr. Since no tumors have been found and I am HPV positive, she is going to start me on a dual chemo therapy next week. She said cancers from HPV have responded well to this treatment and she has reason to give me some hope.I have been in this pit of gloom and doom since she told about this cancer but now I feel like I can crawl out and see some light. And I credit God for having the upper hand in all of it. He has the final say and He has just told me that this is not final. Not right now anyway. I don't know what will happen a month from now. They might tell me the chemo is not working. If they do, I trust God to have another plan. I'm trying to learn to listen for God to speak. I know He hears me when I pray but I have to learn to hear Him because He will guide me through this if I listen to Him. He takes me to a passage in the Bible every time I open it. I always read something that lifts me up and tells me to just have faith in Him. Being able to have faith is hard to do for some of us. Maybe that's why I have cancer. Maybe God is teaching me to have faith. I've been praying and praying for a long time for Him to help me have faith. Maybe this is the way He wants me to learn. Even if the cancer gets worse and they tell me there's no hope, maybe God is teaching me to still have faith. Faith to walk me all the way through it, all the way to Heaven.

There's something else I've learned during all of this pain and suffering. Compassion and Love. So many people have shown me compassion and love. People that I don't even know have been praying for me. People that I have never even met have offered to help. Someone has even said that if I need to go to Texas for treatment they will pay for my air fare to get there. Would I have done that for someone? Someone that I don't even know? My first thought would have been about what I could do for myself with that money before I gave it to someone else. It's always been about me. What's in it for me, what can I do for me, I want it, I worked for it so I deserve it, me me me. No compassion for the homeless people down the street. They are ruining our property values. No compassion for the Habitat house down the street. Get that sign out of the yard, we don't want that in our neighborhood. Did I once walk down there and offer to help get that house ready for a family to move into it?  Did I once offer to volunteer my time to help at the homeless shelter? No I did not. Last Sunday I joined our church. I don't intend to just go there every Sunday and sit in the pew and listen to the preacher. I want to get involved. I want to be an ACTIVE member and the first thing I want to do is get with the local missionaries and start helping people. I joined that church so that I could serve God through it and that is my NUMBER ONE goal for the rest of my life. I still have to fight this cancer but when I am physically able to do something I will be doing it. It's not about me anymore. It's about what I can do to help someone else in any area that God leads me to. I will be listening for His directions from now on. And like the song says "Where He leads me I will follow."  Thank you God!

Dr. #9

Today I'll see the 9th Dr in 2 months and I'm still in terrible pain. They've already told me that this is not curable so how many more tests do they have to do until they help me with this pain?

Psalm 43:5

I opened my Bible to this verse this morning. “Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God.”

Doom and Gloom Please Go Away

Since my last post I have had a few more Dr. visits. The last one was with the Hem/Onc Dr. That was truely the worst Dr. visit I have ever had. She just point blank told me that I my cancer cannot be cured and that I may only have 2-3 years to live. I was alone when she told me all this and fear hit me immediately and has not gone away yet. I have prayed and prayed for peace with this. If it is God's will for me to die I will accept it if I can just feel some peace. I can't stand this feeling of doom. I know we all have to die one day but I'm not so sure I wanted to know that it was coming sooner than I had always thought. And most of all I can't stand what it's doing to my family. They don't deserve to have to go through this. I pray for peace for them too.

On a better note, I met a great group of women at Church yesterday. I had been wanting to join a small group at
Church and this one is wonderful. I really look forward to many more Sundays of fellowship with them. Tonight I met up with another great group of ladies, my good buddies Aretha, Sylvia and Linda. I love my friends and they always make me feel better. Tonight they reminded me to not let satan have fun watching me cry and fear. Depend on God no matter what. I pray that God will give me the strength to keep coming to Him and not let satan keep bringing me down.

I had a good day with Mandy and Justin yesterday too. We went to Botanical Gardens and took pictures. I'll post some when I feel better. It was good to just spend some time with them. We don't do that nearly enough.

I'm tired now and have to go to bed. Praying for tomorrow to be better. And thanking God for another day of life.